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LUST LIFE: SHOWER SEX

“I want to take a shower with you,” he says. She doesn’t really need one, but she can’t resist jumping in with him. It’s arousing just seeing the water slide over his body, collecting in droplets on his face and chest. They lather each other up—his fingers melting through her folds, her hand gliding over his sex, which is already growing. They come together through the warm wetness of their tongues, swirling and embracing, nebulous hands over slippery backs and she imagines that they are standing in a warm spring rain, or beneath a magically heated waterfall. Soon she lowers herself to her knees, in a gentle vertical motion mimicking the descending streams, and she takes him into her mouth …
What’s so hot about sex in the shower? First thing, having sex in any place other than the bed is hot because it’s different. Secondly, it lends itself to non-standard positions (standing, doggie, weird diagonal configurations involving legs on faucets and hands on soap dishes). And thirdly, it’s convenient—conveniently warm and wet everywhere, not just in the expected places. This intensifies the expected warm wetness, so you’re probably not going to need lube. Plus you can proceed ravenously knowing that the cleanup that usually follows messy, spontaneous sex is already happening during sex. Well, not too ravenously. There’s always the risk of slipping, falling and seriously injuring yourself while doing naughty things in the shower. So some caution is advisable. 

The first time I attempted shower sex was in a hostel in Amsterdam. I was traveling with my French boyfriend and we were horny around the clock. Of course, as hostels go, you’re usually sleeping in a bunk in a room full of strangers, and you can’t lounge around in the morning or else the cleaning crew will sweep you away. So we had to come up with creative ways to have sex. “How about the shower?” I suggested. He was up for anything—as long as it was private. The shower was private all right, insofar as nobody could see us, but as hostel showers are usually shared among all of your “roommates,” there was the possibility of someone walking in on us. The thrill of getting caught magnified my already intense arousal and helped me overlook the fact that the shower was narrow and scummy. We wore our flip-flops and made various awkward attempts at intercourse (employing weird configurations mentioned above), but he kept slipping out and it was ultimately a failed attempt. 

Oral sex and masturbation are better choices for the shower. The absence of thrusting minimizes the risk of losing your footing on the slippery tile. There’s something very symbolic about performing oral sex while water is falling on and all around you; you’re not only licking and/or sucking someone, it’s as if you’re drinking in your lover along with the water that accidentally flows into your mouth. Then there’s the ever-popular female masturbatory tool: the detachable showerhead. What a wonderful invention! Men may jerk off in the shower, but women have love affairs with their showerheads. 

Yes ladies, admit it. You’re having an affair with your showerhead. Even if you don’t own one, you’ve probably been at least tempted to do more than wash yourself behind the curtain. The warm water relaxes your muscles, the steam opens your pores and then you rub and massage yourself all over with creamy soaps, velvety gels and puffy foams. Cleaning oneself is a basic form of self-love; if you didn’t love yourself, you’d probably lose interest in hygiene. When all is well, the shower inspires sensuality through simile: beating, spurting or dripping warm water is akin to the fluids the body produces during sex, which is one of the reasons why showers feel so good, even when we’re not feeling sexual.    

It’s also one of the reasons why those who are into shower sex may also be inclined to try watersports. After all, they both involve warm streams of copious liquid, hence the expression “golden shower.” One time while I was blowing an ex-boyfriend in the shower, I felt a strong urge to pee. I didn’t want to interrupt the flow of the blow, and since we were in a place where all liquid disappears into a drain, I went ahead and relieved myself. I confess I found it erotic that he had no idea what I was doing, and that he came while I was in mid-stream. I wouldn’t have done that in any other location. But in the shower, my sneaky spray act seemed less taboo. A lot of people already pee in the shower, and it’s also cleaner than pissing on the floor or on the bed (if you’re into that sort of thing). And all you vanilla types don’t have to worry about those pesky cum stains on sheets and carpets. Whatever your pleasure, shower sex allows you to get dirty and clean at the same time!

So go ahead, wash your sins away and rejoice in the pleasure of a warm spring rain or a magically heated waterfall—right in the comfort of your own bathroom.